Have you ever looked at your life and thought, “This wasn’t exactly what I meant to build?”

That’s me.

I’ve been filled with fear for so long that it choked out the excitement I used to have for what could be — and twisted it into an unruly fear of what might happen. Even as I type this, fear tries to take over. I’m spending more time deleting my thoughts than actually writing them. But I’m writing anyway. Because this is what Life by Design means to me.

I’m 37 and have been playing around with this idea of doing things afraid for years now. Sometimes I’m even successful. Most recently, I went on a cruise with my husband, sister, and brother-in-law. One of the excursions was snorkeling — something I’ve done before, and yet I still spent days in a near panic over it.

I lost sleep prepping for how to punch a shark in the nose. I deep-dived into the threat level of barracudas. I ran through every scenario I could Google. But in the end, even though I was exhausted and vibrating with anxiety, I got in the water. I was prepared. I was afraid. And I did it anyway.

And it was beautiful.

We swam above a sunken shipwreck. I saw rock lobsters hiding in crevices, green plants dancing with the current, and flashes of bright fish slipping through the steel bones of the ship. It was cold, and I was happy and alert — fully alive.

Then I saw it.

A long silver shape moved beneath our boat. “What’s that?” I asked my husband. He shrugged and pointed it out to our snorkeling guide. The man smiled and said casually, “That’s a barracuda.”

I froze.

It was strange — I didn’t know whether I should be scared or not. I had removed all my jewelry (I wasn’t about to become a shiny snack), and I knew logically I was probably fine. But my fear still won out. I remembered the year before, swimming through what I swear was a bait ball of swordfish — the crew had chummed the water, and I, an anxious woman with a vivid imagination, had to swim through a wall of nightmare-fish to get back to the boat.

That day, I only made it out by swimming straight toward the thing I feared — and being yanked up to safety by a very handsome captain who handed me a cup of strong rum. Honestly? I scared the fish more than they scared me.

And that’s the point.

Fear doesn’t always go away. I didn’t suddenly become fearless. But I did learn that the only way to the life I want is through the scary part. I still went on a second snorkeling trip. I still felt the fear. But I did it anyway. Because I want the experience. I want that life.

I want the life I will design.

 

My Personal Journey

Before all this, I was afraid. I’d been burned — by life, by my choices, by things outside of my control. It’s taken me nearly 20 years to work through things I’m not ready to write about yet. And I’m okay with that.

The shift in my thinking didn’t happen overnight. I’m stubborn. So of course it took this long.

But something changed after that snorkeling trip. I wanted to keep that feeling — the one that made me feel alive and free in the water. And one day, driving home, I passed an aerial studio I’d seen a hundred times. I had always assumed it wasn’t for me. I’d been too overweight. Not strong enough. Too old.

But this time, I signed up for a class.

And I loved it.

That class made me feel everything I felt in the water: freedom, fear, exhilaration. Now I can’t imagine my life without aerial hammock. It’s one of my obsessions. I’m getting stronger, and I’ve even set a goal to master the ninja roll so I can graduate to the next level.

Aerial has become a physical example of the life I’m building: full of challenge, beauty, effort, and joy.

What Life by Design Means (For Me)

This blog is about creating a life — not just existing in one.

“Life by Design” doesn’t mean a Pinterest-perfect planner, a six-figure income, or a minimalist houseplant aesthetic. It means designing experiences, habits, and adventures that make you feel alive — even if they scare you. Especially if they scare you.

For me, that looks like:

•Building strength after years of feeling stuck

•Learning aerial skills and celebrating each win

•Traveling (with anxiety) and finding joy in new places

•Exploring art, crafts, and surface design that light me up

•Publishing books even though it terrifies me

I still get afraid. I still freeze. I still panic. But I’m not living to avoid discomfort anymore. I’m working on showing up scared — and showing up anyway.

What You’ll Find Here

This blog will grow as I grow.

Some weeks, you’ll find posts about strength training, mental resilience, or trying new things like wakeboarding or Lyra. Other times I’ll share behind the scenes of my creative work — from resin to surface design to garden projects that keep me grounded.

You’ll see personal stories and practical tips — maybe a checklist or two, because I do love a list. But more than anything, this is a place for real-life bravery, creative experiments, and intentional living.

I won’t have it all figured out. That’s the point.

This is not a “how-to” blog — it’s a “doing it scared anyway” blog.

Want to Design Alongside Me?

If you’ve ever felt like life was living you — and you’re ready to flip that — I hope you’ll stick around.

If you’re craving joy, creativity, courage, and just enough fear to make your heart race (in a good way), this blog is for you.

And if you’ve got something you’re dreaming of — whether it’s starting a project, taking a class, or stepping into a different version of yourself — let me just say this:

You don’t have to be fearless.

You just have to go anyway.

 

So tell me:

What’s one thing you’d love to experience this year, even if it scares you a little?